Hi Sheneka, I want to start off by saying that the picture you used, if I am not mistaken, is the same one you used in another story. It was cool to see because I had forgotten about reading the other story, and being reminded of it was nice because I enjoyed reading it when I did. I enjoyed your story on your portfolio, I think it was executed well. The pages are sparse, but that also means that they are not distracting. I think that simple and focused webpages lend themselves to conveying information well. You have seemingly accomplished this, as I had no trouble navigating and reading your portfolio. The only tip I would give you is that the comment wall link does not look as aesthetically pleasing as it could. I would suggest creating a button with the link to your comment wall embedded in it. Overall good job!
Hi Sheneka! I really like the layout of your website. The story flows well and I had no trouble reading it in part to your calming and free writing space. I really enjoy the image you used. I don't know if you are into many fandoms but it really gave me doctor who vibes? And then you get to the bottom and it's this whole new feeling with tones of yellow and greens. This image provides really good context for the story and is a warm addition to your space-y page. The only thing I might change, to that point, is it seems like you have double spaced between each paragraph? I don't know if that was intentional but it really does make the page look very white and blank. If you pushed the paragraphs a little closer together it might seem more cohesive? That might just be a picky me thing, though. Overall, loved the story. Oh! I just realized I never said the story. It's Prince Benjamin makes his own pool.
I noticed a few incomplete sentences in “Prince Benjamin Makes His Own Pool”: in the 4th paragraph there’s “It was him and [?]” and in the 5th paragraph there’s “Again, the river did not listen, [?]”. Also, a few small typos: in paragraph 4 “the prince [was] warm and giddy from the wine, [and he] began to dance and sing. He [jumped] … ” In paragraph 8, “the woman prayed and begged to the prince” → “the woman prayed and begged mercy of the prince,” for example. (I’m not sure that you can “beg to” someone.)
It was interesting how you let the river recover without a change of heart on the part of the prince or any kind of divine intervention. He just closed the channel after finishing his pool, and the conflict goes unresolved. I liked that; thought it was an interesting choice.
I also wonder: how was the prince respected by the citizens if he was so selfish and self-absorbed?
Your story was great! I really liked the use of Rama's story of his father and how you twisted it into something new. You were really detailed and did not leave any pertinent information out. The pages are designed really well, and I love the color scheme you have! The picture you put is so pretty! I think you could add more pictures or visuals in your story or you could add a picture at the beginning to kind of set the theme of the story, or just provide something you think is relevant. You could move the underwater kingdom picture to the top rather than the bottom! Overall, however, your story was wonderful! Your website is also easy to navigate. I am excited to see what other stories you add next. Do you have a theme that you are planning on following of Kings? Or is there something else you have in mind? You did really well!
Sheneka, I thought your "Prince Benjamin Makes His Own Pool" story was really good. I enjoyed your use of Rama's story about the Adventures of Balarama and Pradyumna. I thought the flow of the story was great and I think you definitely nailed the retelling of the story. It was a delight to read. I also enjoyed how your blog site is set up. It was easy to navigate and the color scheme you went with was really nice. Overall, it plays really well into your theme of your stories. I can't wait to read your other stories. You did really well!
Hey Sheneka! I really enjoyed reading your story The King’s Heir. I could definitely see where you pulled your inspiration from Dasharatha and his sons in the story of the Ramayana. That tale was my favorite one that we have read from this course and reading your unique twist on the story was really neat. I also really liked your word choice, colorful vocabulary like “majestic” and “ominous” really helped paint the “images” of the story in my mind as a reader. The one and only suggestion I want to make would be to expand or add a little more detail to the ending. I love how descriptive you were throughout the story and I’m curious to hear more details about the happy ending! Perhaps what the baby prince looked like, or the traditions they engaged in to rejoice the birth of the new heir? Again, I really enjoyed reading your story. :)
Hi Sheneka! I'm in the Myth-Folklore class, so I'm not familiar with any of the stories you're writing about. I think the design of your site is really striking and definitely makes me curious about your writing. I also think the formatting of your work is really easy to read and looks professional. I want to know why Prince Benjamin is so careless! Is it normal to find bowls of wine in trees? I do like how you've linked his entitled attitude to his desire to have fun though! I can definitely see a prince who's always gotten everything he wanted being really thrilled to take a break from responsibility. One critique I might make is that the language is really informal. When you say "everyone feared saying anything to the prince" it sounds more conversational. You could try something like "everyone feared reprimanding the prince" to sound more literary. Thank you for sharing your writing!
Hey Sheneka, For the first story, I think you really portrayed everything you wanted to, including Benjamin's feelings towards the woman of the river, that you mentioned in the Author's note! I was engaged by the story and though I've never heard it before, I liked how you included a backstory for Benjamin to better show how he would come to be so hot-headed and have the expectations that he would get whatever he wanted. I find that both your stories are descriptive, and I really like that too. One thing I was wondering for the second story, "The King's Heir", is why you chose to set it in a kingdom that existed under the Earth's surface and also used your image to reflect this. I was wondering if this was supposed to play into the story somehow, as you also dedicated an image to this part, or if it was just storytelling choice? You might include this in your Author's Note if it's important. Overall, I enjoyed both the stories and am looking forward to see what story you add next!
Hi~ It's cool that you chose to write about Balarama, I don't think I've read anything else based on him. It's nice to mix it up so we aren't all reading the same stories on every blog. This isn't a huge deal but maybe you could go through and diversify sentence length. I think it would help the writing style match with what is happening in the story. For both retellings, I thought the endings were a bit abrupt. They didn't provide a lot of resolution, although I still understood what was happening. A couple more sentences to close it up may be more conclusive for the reader. Great work and good luck with the rest of the semester!
Hi Sheneka. I like how original your first story is! I haven't really read about Balarama yet. Its nice to not read to the same couple of stories over and over again. When you described him getting drunk, I laughed a little. If you are going to edit these any, It would be fun to spice them up. You have fun moments. Add in details and adjectives. The first time anyone gets wine drunk is messy. Let that experience live on the page. It will be fun to write and to read. Also, your characters will have so much more personality and it will help diversify your sentence structure. But this is all just ideas. You have a great start!
Hi Shen! First off, I really like your name! it reminds me of one of my favorite characters in a video game I used to play as a kid. For your portfolio, it is looking good. One thing you need is the fourth story to finish it all up. I am not sure if you already got the points some other way though. I like when I open your website up there is a nice picture of many galaxies. It kind of makes me wonder what adventures I will be going on when I read your stories. One thing I would have really liked to see is you changing your stories more from the original. It would make them more fun if you added your own creative ideas. I also think your author's notes might be a little short on the Crain story. Overall great work and have a good summer!
First of all, let me just start by saying that your website looks fantastic. I really like the image on your home page. The size of the header is perfect for grabbing someone's attention, and the color palette is fantastic. Overall the website looks very elegant. One of the things that I really like is that besides having a different banner image for each page, you also include plenty of pictures in your stories. As far as the stories, I really enjoyed them. Your writing style is very creative, and I like some of the subtle changes you make to the story. In all of the stories, you transform the original and make it more uplifting. I really liked that uplifting aspect of the stories. I look forward to seeing the last story in your profile. Keep up the good work and good luck in finals week.
Hi Sheneka,
ReplyDeleteI want to start off by saying that the picture you used, if I am not mistaken, is the same one you used in another story. It was cool to see because I had forgotten about reading the other story, and being reminded of it was nice because I enjoyed reading it when I did. I enjoyed your story on your portfolio, I think it was executed well. The pages are sparse, but that also means that they are not distracting. I think that simple and focused webpages lend themselves to conveying information well. You have seemingly accomplished this, as I had no trouble navigating and reading your portfolio. The only tip I would give you is that the comment wall link does not look as aesthetically pleasing as it could. I would suggest creating a button with the link to your comment wall embedded in it. Overall good job!
Hi Sheneka!
ReplyDeleteI really like the layout of your website. The story flows well and I had no trouble reading it in part to your calming and free writing space. I really enjoy the image you used. I don't know if you are into many fandoms but it really gave me doctor who vibes? And then you get to the bottom and it's this whole new feeling with tones of yellow and greens. This image provides really good context for the story and is a warm addition to your space-y page. The only thing I might change, to that point, is it seems like you have double spaced between each paragraph? I don't know if that was intentional but it really does make the page look very white and blank. If you pushed the paragraphs a little closer together it might seem more cohesive? That might just be a picky me thing, though. Overall, loved the story. Oh! I just realized I never said the story. It's Prince Benjamin makes his own pool.
Hi Sheneka,
ReplyDeleteI noticed a few incomplete sentences in “Prince Benjamin Makes His Own Pool”: in the 4th paragraph there’s “It was him and [?]” and in the 5th paragraph there’s “Again, the river did not listen, [?]”. Also, a few small typos: in paragraph 4 “the prince [was] warm and giddy from the wine, [and he] began to dance and sing. He [jumped] … ” In paragraph 8, “the woman prayed and begged to the prince” → “the woman prayed and begged mercy of the prince,” for example. (I’m not sure that you can “beg to” someone.)
It was interesting how you let the river recover without a change of heart on the part of the prince or any kind of divine intervention. He just closed the channel after finishing his pool, and the conflict goes unresolved. I liked that; thought it was an interesting choice.
I also wonder: how was the prince respected by the citizens if he was so selfish and self-absorbed?
Thanks,
A.M.
Hi Sheneka!
ReplyDeleteYour story was great! I really liked the use of Rama's story of his father and how you twisted it into something new. You were really detailed and did not leave any pertinent information out. The pages are designed really well, and I love the color scheme you have! The picture you put is so pretty! I think you could add more pictures or visuals in your story or you could add a picture at the beginning to kind of set the theme of the story, or just provide something you think is relevant. You could move the underwater kingdom picture to the top rather than the bottom! Overall, however, your story was wonderful! Your website is also easy to navigate. I am excited to see what other stories you add next. Do you have a theme that you are planning on following of Kings? Or is there something else you have in mind? You did really well!
Sheneka, I thought your "Prince Benjamin Makes His Own Pool" story was really good. I enjoyed your use of Rama's story about the Adventures of Balarama and Pradyumna. I thought the flow of the story was great and I think you definitely nailed the retelling of the story. It was a delight to read. I also enjoyed how your blog site is set up. It was easy to navigate and the color scheme you went with was really nice. Overall, it plays really well into your theme of your stories. I can't wait to read your other stories. You did really well!
ReplyDeleteHey Sheneka! I really enjoyed reading your story The King’s Heir. I could definitely see where you pulled your inspiration from Dasharatha and his sons in the story of the Ramayana. That tale was my favorite one that we have read from this course and reading your unique twist on the story was really neat. I also really liked your word choice, colorful vocabulary like “majestic” and “ominous” really helped paint the “images” of the story in my mind as a reader. The one and only suggestion I want to make would be to expand or add a little more detail to the ending. I love how descriptive you were throughout the story and I’m curious to hear more details about the happy ending! Perhaps what the baby prince looked like, or the traditions they engaged in to rejoice the birth of the new heir? Again, I really enjoyed reading your story. :)
ReplyDeleteHi Sheneka!
ReplyDeleteI'm in the Myth-Folklore class, so I'm not familiar with any of the stories you're writing about. I think the design of your site is really striking and definitely makes me curious about your writing. I also think the formatting of your work is really easy to read and looks professional.
I want to know why Prince Benjamin is so careless! Is it normal to find bowls of wine in trees? I do like how you've linked his entitled attitude to his desire to have fun though! I can definitely see a prince who's always gotten everything he wanted being really thrilled to take a break from responsibility.
One critique I might make is that the language is really informal. When you say "everyone feared saying anything to the prince" it sounds more conversational. You could try something like "everyone feared reprimanding the prince" to sound more literary.
Thank you for sharing your writing!
Hey Sheneka,
ReplyDeleteFor the first story, I think you really portrayed everything you wanted to, including Benjamin's feelings towards the woman of the river, that you mentioned in the Author's note! I was engaged by the story and though I've never heard it before, I liked how you included a backstory for Benjamin to better show how he would come to be so hot-headed and have the expectations that he would get whatever he wanted. I find that both your stories are descriptive, and I really like that too. One thing I was wondering for the second story, "The King's Heir", is why you chose to set it in a kingdom that existed under the Earth's surface and also used your image to reflect this. I was wondering if this was supposed to play into the story somehow, as you also dedicated an image to this part, or if it was just storytelling choice? You might include this in your Author's Note if it's important. Overall, I enjoyed both the stories and am looking forward to see what story you add next!
Hi~
ReplyDeleteIt's cool that you chose to write about Balarama, I don't think I've read anything else based on him. It's nice to mix it up so we aren't all reading the same stories on every blog. This isn't a huge deal but maybe you could go through and diversify sentence length. I think it would help the writing style match with what is happening in the story. For both retellings, I thought the endings were a bit abrupt. They didn't provide a lot of resolution, although I still understood what was happening. A couple more sentences to close it up may be more conclusive for the reader.
Great work and good luck with the rest of the semester!
Hi Sheneka.
ReplyDeleteI like how original your first story is! I haven't really read about Balarama yet. Its nice to not read to the same couple of stories over and over again. When you described him getting drunk, I laughed a little. If you are going to edit these any, It would be fun to spice them up. You have fun moments. Add in details and adjectives. The first time anyone gets wine drunk is messy. Let that experience live on the page. It will be fun to write and to read. Also, your characters will have so much more personality and it will help diversify your sentence structure. But this is all just ideas. You have a great start!
Hi Shen! First off, I really like your name! it reminds me of one of my favorite characters in a video game I used to play as a kid. For your portfolio, it is looking good. One thing you need is the fourth story to finish it all up. I am not sure if you already got the points some other way though. I like when I open your website up there is a nice picture of many galaxies. It kind of makes me wonder what adventures I will be going on when I read your stories. One thing I would have really liked to see is you changing your stories more from the original. It would make them more fun if you added your own creative ideas. I also think your author's notes might be a little short on the Crain story. Overall great work and have a good summer!
ReplyDeleteHello Sheneka,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, let me just start by saying that your website looks fantastic. I really like the image on your home page. The size of the header is perfect for grabbing someone's attention, and the color palette is fantastic. Overall the website looks very elegant. One of the things that I really like is that besides having a different banner image for each page, you also include plenty of pictures in your stories. As far as the stories, I really enjoyed them. Your writing style is very creative, and I like some of the subtle changes you make to the story. In all of the stories, you transform the original and make it more uplifting. I really liked that uplifting aspect of the stories.
I look forward to seeing the last story in your profile. Keep up the good work and good luck in finals week.
Titanium Athletics: Athletics | Teton Athletics
ReplyDeleteTeton Athletics: titanium lug nuts Athletics | titanium trim hair cutter reviews Teton Athletics. We are titanium fitness your resource for the titanium trim as seen on tv best athletics training experience possible on your babyliss titanium flat iron planet. Experience our work