In a kingdom far far away, there lived a king. This kingdom
was small and hidden in the mountains, but they were very influential in the
science community. This country produced the technology to get rid of pollution
in fresh water and oceans. They also made major advances in space exploration.
The king worked with his close advisors and funded the most elite labs in the
world.
One day a scientist by the name of Reece can across a
disturbing piece of evidence. His calculations showed that there was a meteor that
was on route to collide with the Earth. With this collision no life on Earth
would survive. Reece ran to King Advi with the news. Without a doubt in his
mind the King told his advisors and sent this notice out to all his allies. In
the span of twenty-four hours the world was in panic and struck with fear at
their impending doom. No one knew what to do. Everyone was either buying out grocery
stores for supplies or trying to figure out what they could do to survive. The
world was in complete chaos.
While the world was falling apart there was a young man by
the name of Torre. He was not interested in the world of science. He made his
name in the videogame community and has major influence worldwide. He came
across the data that the scientist collected and found a major mistake in his
calculations. The meteor is not going to collide with the Earth! He tried to take
his finding to the King but he would not listen. Torre did not know what to do.
Then he realized that he has a huge online presence and that he use that to
help him get his word out!
I
t didn’t take long for Torre to spread the news that the
world wasn’t ending. With the aid of his followers and the power of the internet
he was able to stop the world-wide panic. Soon after the king called forth
Torre and gave him the title of Count Torre. The world was saved all thanks to
him.
Authors note- I used the story of the Rabbit thinking that the was breaking up. The basis of the story was notating how group mentality can cause chaos. It also had a theme that strong leadership can guide people in the right direction. I used inspiration from the roles that the characters had and created parallels for those characters.
Bibliography- The Foolish, Timid Rabbit by Ellen C. Babbitt.
An image of a meteor, Source
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Shen,
ReplyDeleteI loved the modern space twist that you incorporated into the story from the original tale. I just want to ask in the line, "scientist by the name of Reece can across", did you mean came across? There's also the spacing disruption in the paragraph after the " to help him get his word out!" line. I also think it would be more clear if you would state the KIng's name in the opening line. I like that your story had a scientific twist to the story it made so much sense when I read it. Great Job.
Hello Sheneka,
ReplyDeleteI have benefited a lot from people giving me feedback, and I’m trying to help others benefit from feedback also. I have noticed that you have a few errors in your story. To start, when you said "I used the story of the Rabbit thinking that the was breaking up", it was bit confusing for me to know what exactly was breaking up unless you read your story. There was one more error which was when you said, "One day a scientist by the name of Reece can across a disturbing piece of evidence" . I think you meant to say came. Proofreading would be a great tool to improve your writing.
Your classmate,
Joanna Yoon
Hi Sheneka,
ReplyDeleteYour story was definitely a unique twist on the tale of "The Foolish, Timid Rabbit". I liked reading through your perception of how the story played out. I was just confused as to how the video gamer, if he didn't like science, would have noticed a mistake in important scientific calculations? Other than that, I think your story was fairly enjoyable.
Hi Sheneka,
ReplyDeleteI loved your story, I think that the modern twist and very possible scenario was a great idea. I also like the fact that the story comments on the effectiveness of social media on spreading information (to our benefit and detriment). Is Torre a part of the Kingdom that is so committed to science, or is he just someone from the outside? If Torre was not interested in science, then how did he know the calculations were incorrect? Also, I think that a few sentences need some extra punctuation to make them read more smoothly. Maybe if you added some commas and maybe a bit of dialogue between the characters the story would be even better.
Hey Sheneka!
ReplyDeleteI laughed out loud at the comment about how in a moment of impending doom people were buying out grocery stores. I always find it amusing that this is the first action people are inclined to take when there is a crisis, be it a weather-related incident or the earth's imminent collision with a meteor. I am curious why the man who saved the earth was specifically identified as a video gamer? Did he use his knowledge of video games to help figure out that the meteor was not actually destined to collide with the earth? I think there is a lot of potential to expand on this idea and build the character of the gamer, who I am fascinated to know more about. As another note for the future, be careful to read through your work for spelling, grammar, and formatting errors - there were a few that stood out to me in this story.
Hi Sheneka!
ReplyDeleteTELL: I absolutely love the quirky take on this story. At the very beginning I was like okay a typical fairy-tale-esque story. But then. Science. And not only science. Space exploration. And then all of a sudden. Meteors. All very exciting.
ASK: The only real question I have to ask or wonder about is what mistake was made? I mean I think we deserve it to Reece to explain what the mistake had been. You could have even made it funny like the meteor was actually the size of a mint and wouldn’t do much damage. Or that Reece hadn’t carried the 10s digit over and the whole thing fell to shambles.
GIVE: I would definitely provide more context for the kingdom. We’re in the mountains. So how do we space explore? Have we always been known for our STEM engineering? Do we recruit or is it like samurai and everyone that is born into the STEM class just is a STEM person? Does Torre live in our kingdom or in another? He uses the internet to communicate with the world… is it the world that we know? Or a smaller, kingdom based world?
Hella Sheneka! I like how you incorporated your kingdom with scientist and video gamers. I would have never thought of that, which is extremely creative. I laughed when you talked about everyone buying out grocery stores for supplies! Mostly when they cannot stop a meteor from coming. It would be funny if they were buying food as supplies. Also, the fact that a gamer found the miscalculation and the scientist didn’t. I am curious, how did Reece know there was a meteor coming? Or what was Reece miscalculation? How did this gamer solve the miscalculation? These questions have me on the edge of my seat! Maybe in the future, you could be more detailed about your kingdom. How does this kingdom have so much influence in technology and gamers, but live in the mountains? Or how did this kingdom evolve from high advance technology like the internet. So many questions because I am awfully curious!
ReplyDeleteHi Sheneka! Thank you so much for telling my story! If you were to tell this story again, or expand it, I think you should explain my side of the story a little more. First, it was extremely frustrating trying to demonstrate to the king the miscalculations! Maybe you can talk about that? Also, I would mention all of the other miscalculations I have found since becoming count that have influenced the world! This can lead to several different interesting stories about all of the myths I debunked or the adventures I have been on. Lastly, I would have mentioned how my official name Count Torre because the world will finally get to see how influential I have been on modern life. Anyways, thanks for telling my story! I never realized how similar tot he rabbit story it was, and I never really thought of the power of mass panic until now!
ReplyDeleteHi Sheneka!
ReplyDeleteMy name is Torre and you created me! I really liked how you developed the story, but I feel like I wasn't in it all that much when I am a part of the title. Besides a video gamer, who am I? Also, why was I looking at the research? Why would I care about it? Thank you for recognizing how important I am within the internet community. Not a lot of people really know the effect we video gamers have on individuals and how in some cases we do save lives. Now, I don't mean GLOBAL chaos lives (most of the time), but the lives of the individuals who are really struggling. So again I thank you for making it evident the pull that we have in the community. Also, I didn't really want the King's gift for my saving the world, but I took it to be nice. What major use does a common video gamer have with a title? If the King doesn't listen to the little people, then what good is the King?